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The further adventures of George Soros, part 617


It is a common enough occurrence, so far as occurrences go. No doubt it has happened to you as well. It’s bad judgment by which we arrive here, always. So having determined, amidst the throes of bad judgment, to compose and, what’s more, to post a comment on an internet news article, it was then I heard a pop and smelled the smell of burnt matches, whatever you call it, and I saw, right there in my bedroom, an old man with a wheelbarrow filled with cash.

“Hey, aren’t you George Soros?” I said as the fellow set about handing me a pile of bills. His pointy tail swatted the horseflies away.  

This manifestation, if that be what it was, appeared premature to me, for honestly, at that moment I had hardly typed “Actually, I’m an attorney, and you’re wrong” and was at what might charitably be deemed an impasse as to where I might go from there.

Astro hid beneath the bed, distantly hissing.

“You know,” he said and he shook his wattled jowls, “You could double your money if you wrote that on a poster board and went downtown with it.” Then he cocked his head like a dog upon hearing some distant whistle and he disappeared. When he remanifested, moments later, the load in his wheelbarrow was noticeably lighter.

“Sorry about that,” George Soros said to me. “Senator Booker was about to open his mouth.”

“No,” I said, and I was insistent. You should have seen me being insistent. I was a perfect picture, if a picture might be perfect, of insistence. I said, “I don’t need to be paid. I’m not doing this for money. This is something I care about.” I am less than sure these last words could be heard, what with all of George Soros’ laughter.

“Of course it is, of course it is,” said George Soros and he handed over more cash.

“Some of us are sincere,” I said. “Some of us are idealistic.”

“Oh sure,” said George Soros, so mockingly serious now. “There are in fact three left-leaning people in this country: Jimmy Carter, Robert DeNiro, and an internet troll out of Toledo. All the rest are on my payroll.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go flood central Texas to make the people there see the advantages of dependence on Big Government.”

Then he was gone.

I fumed and I stewed. I stewed and I fumed. He couldn’t be right. He had to be wrong.

Now it’s been five days and Astro – so proud in his new, diamond-encrusted cat collar – is joining me as I move all of my assorted belongings to our beautiful new River Oaks estate.

I’ll leave it at that. I’ll leave you with this thought: Have you considered all the many wondrous advantages of a borderless One World Government?

Comments

  1. Does he pay better than Trump does?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. apparently it's 0.00 an hour. That's my current rate from him.

      Geez

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    2. I thought that the Koch Brothers handle the payments on the right. or the Russians - it's a little unclear.

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  2. Next time he shows up, send him my way, OK? :-)

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    Replies
    1. You're not already getting paid? You're completely defying the conventional wisdom. Somebody in Soros' office really dropped the ball.

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  3. I'm a Brit.....what's going on

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    1. Every time any protest or demonstration happens on the left here, especially when it's something big like the Women's March, we hear that they're all paid by Soros and that's why they're showing up. I was just confirming that. Unless this was somehow written tongue-in-cheek. We'll never know.

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  4. Harry...you sold out to the devil.....I don't know whether to cheer you on or send you a condolence card.

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    Replies
    1. Well, the guy is said to have been a Nazi when he was 13, which seems sort of weird, but would confirm him as the devil. But I've done more despicable things in my time than simply make a deal with the devil.

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  5. Yes, Harry. Don't be a sap. CASH IN!

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    Replies
    1. If you see a lot of posts on this blog praising the DNC from now on, you'll know what's happened.

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  6. Damn it. I've typed thousands and thousands of left leaning words onto the internet (yes, I do go on a bit, don't I) and have yet to receive my first Soros check. He needs to get on the ball, Driftglass and Blue Gal say they haven't gotten theirs either.
    (This is the place where I would normally get all serious about how financial support for nascent liberal media is nonexistent compared to... well, come on George, do you want me to write this or not?)

    -Doug in Oakland

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    Replies
    1. You're a fool, just going around saying left-leaning things for free.

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    2. And now they're trying to blow up his mailbox or some such horse shit.

      -Doug in Oakland

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    3. I saw that. I hope that it's not because of my story.

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  7. I want to see pictures of Astro's bling.

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    Replies
    1. That's probably the most fictional part of this whole thing. Diamonds or not diamonds, there's no way I'm going to manage to get a collar on Astro and keep it on him.

      I tried before I left town and he ended up with his jaw and his paw both caught in it. I gave up.

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    2. He leads a pretty good life, Stacy. Has managed not to do himself any real harm, despite his better efforts.

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  8. Wheelbarrow filled with cash! Oh come on, don't you remember the Iraq war (the W one not that ISIS blowback thing)? There was a shipment of money consisting of cash on a pallet, maybe two pallets. I believe they were shrink wrapped. So the wheelbarrow is really old school. Cash on a pallet brought in on a C-130 airship. Ok, the only reason I slightly remember this is because a few million went missing. Collateral damage of collateral.

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    1. I remember that, now that you mention. My imagination once again pales in comparison to the real absurd things that are actually happening.

      Maybe it's just that Soros doesn't value my comments nearly enough. The next time, he'd better show up with more than a wheelbarrow.

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  9. That was a very interesting tale on the legendary George Soros.

    I have to admit, that it was very entertaining.

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    1. "Legendary," or as I might have to call him now, "Boss."

      Not in public, of course. Plausible deniability and all.

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  10. Can I friend him? Will he send me wheelbarrows of money? I'm a retired school teacher and I know bunches of stuff.

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    Replies
    1. I'll put in a good word, Susan, but his ways are mysterious.

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  11. The old English rhyme comes to mind-

    Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry,
    When the boys came out to play,
    Georgie Porgie ran away.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha... I think my initial reaction would be mean, and I am not such a sexy beast that I can make fun of others' looks. But yeah, definitely!

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  12. Now imagine a world in which *all* politicians are corrupt/ed demons, playing games and taking faces. Are you seeing the wheelbarrows, Harry? Are you seeing the great lives we could all lead? Summon them, and then summon some more, I say! Show the world demonology never fell out of fashion, that it simply changed its clothes!

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    Replies
    1. I hope there are enough demons to cover everyone, man. A demon shortage could have catastrophic consequences on the system.

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  13. I guess it's time I start answering those Craigslist ads.

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    Replies
    1. Find a cause you can pretend to care about and run with it!

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    2. Tongue in cheek or not, I loved this.

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    3. I appreciate that, Choose the Right Path. It turned out pretty good, and I write these without much thought as to what side I'm actually making fun of.

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