I am Trigger's broom

I picture myself, in my head, when picture myself I must, as I was in 1992. Long hair, black t, boots, with Ruby at my side. That is me forever. The mirror comes as a shock.

Maybe I’ve lost who I was,” is what I said.

You, me, any of us, we have only got so many moving parts, as I see it. Sure, yeah ok, it’s true you’ve got Grandpa down in there, the way he told a joke and the way in which he cocked his head while thinking before he spoke, you took that, but I am not speaking of that. No.

There is my job. My home. My friends. There are the things over which I obsess while walking down the street.

The little men come up from the ground. Diggers, overalled, perhaps brown-skinned once many generations back, forgotten geological history now nearly, the underground has had its way and bleached them to a wormy white. The little men pop off my parts: Jamie, my red Ford Ranger, the Green Party, my love of the music of Of Montreal.

Some of these parts they replace with new parts. Some they hang from hooks on my walls for remembrance. Most they take away with them, back down into their holes, and I am less, fewer parts than before. Over and over and over.

My Buddhist part (1993-1996) would be pleased at this. Would have been pleased at this. That part was an -ism which memorized this: “There is no abiding self.” But that part of me was snapped off and taken underground, perhaps sold by the little worm men at some underground fair. I don’t know how it works.

I am Trigger’s broom:


or you can have it this way:


or you can have it this way:


It is all the same to me yet it is not the same me, really.


[NOTE: It looks to me like the comments on this post are all screwed up. The little arrow thing just goes around and around. I do not know why, and I’m sorry.]

Comments

  1. Is it the same? Is it not? Schrodinger's cat.

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    1. If this is taken to its logical conclusion, you could have more than one of the same broom, with multiple brooms made up of former parts of the same one. Or maybe in all of the world, there's really only one broom.

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  2. It is hoped the good parts of us continue and the rubbish is left behind in the past.

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    1. I hope that's the way it works. But entropy being what it is, I suspect we leave some of the good bits behind us.

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  3. Quite apart from changes to our emotional and intellectual selves, every cell in our physical body is replaced on a regular basis. So none of us is even physically the same person we were a few years ago. Thank goodness the DNA keeps it all regulated so at least we continue to look more or less the same.

    Hmmm, don't the Buddhists say that all reality is maya or illusion? Including our selves and our egos? Perhaps that's the answer to this paradox.

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    1. Or is it the Hindus who say that? Anyhoo, food for thought.

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    2. I've read that, and it makes me wonder why my teeth are still so bad.

      I'm going to try and use all of this as an argument the next time someone is really mad at me: "There is no me!"

      We'll see.

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  4. I saw a Richard Dawkins video once in which he asked the viewer to remember something vivid from childhood and then ponder the fact that not a single atom of that child remained in the body remembering it.
    I think the point was that it was the organization, not the substance, that makes us who and what we are.
    Then he said that when we drink a glass of water, we drink molecules that once passed through the bladder of Oliver Cromwell, and I don't know if I believe the distribution of molecules can be that even, so can I also believe the complete replacement of all atoms part?
    What about the calcium atoms in my hipbone? Have I replaced ALL of them?
    And does it really matter?
    I guess we'll find out...

    -Doug in Oakland

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    1. When I was looking up stuff on Trigger's broom, it pulled up charts of who has been in various rock bands, mostly from the Seventies, that have no original members. Is it still the same band.

      Yes is really fun to follow in chart form (well, Chris Squire was in all of the way through) because the interaction with bands like Asia, King Crimson and even ELP and Genesis is interesting there. Yes is Trigger's broom.

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    2. I've seen Yes more than any other band. Seven times? Or is it eight? And as much of an impact as Steve Howe has had on me as a guitar player, it's Chris Squire that defined the band to me. I saw the tours with Trevor Rabin, but never made it to any of the AWBH stuff, even as good as I know it was.
      Of all of my recently deceased heroes, Chris Squire's death hit me the hardest.
      Him and Bowie.
      Lemmy was, well, how was he even still around?
      I read something yesterday that Pete Townshend's wife wrote, where she said that he was in really good shape and would probably just keep going until the end, and I thought, well, I probably still have a few years left in me then...

      -Doug in Oakland

      P.S. Fantastic Negrito won another Grammy last night.

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    3. Never saw Yes. Saw Genesis twice, Peter Gabriel once, Tom Waits once. Now that people are starting to die, it sort of makes me wish I'd seen them when I had the chance.

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  5. I wouldn't mind being completely replaced if anyone wants the job. You don't have to use my name or personality, just get me and my replaceable atoms out of here. Take my broom, replace every handle, every bristle, maybe burn the old broom.

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    1. Haha. Yeah, I have weeks like that. Here, take it all, I'm out of here. Good luck, dude!

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  6. Not the same axe but he same hand that used it...you know when I read Triggers Broom I had thoughts totally unrelated to what followed. You see, Trigger was Roy Rogers horse and some poor stableman had a broom for what results from being around horses...and that is where my mind went. The same mind who at age 4 knew all things Roy Rogers....regardless of what has been added to or taken from that mind...it IS the same mind, just slightly modified. Sorry, I'm rambling.

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    1. I thought about Roy Rogers' horse when I was posting this. I always try and figure out where things might go astray when someone is reading it.

      I believe my head is largely the same as it's been for at least 27 years. The 1992 me might not like what the 2019 me is, but the basics are the same.

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. I read it as "The little men pop off my pants."

    I think I've possibly been celibate too long.

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    1. Or else you had the inside scoop on a much better blog post.

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  9. All we are is this moment! Don't look in the past, don't look in the future! Just be!

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    1. I'm hopeful. Hasn't been a very good couple of weeks, so this moment isn't anything to celebrate, but it's going to get better, damn it.

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  10. Parts is parts ... so what. The soul stays the same.

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    1. I sort of hope I'm the same person. I'm not sure what 15-year old me would think about me now.

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  11. I am hoping I only passed along the good parts to my kiddos because I would prefer to take the bad parts to the grave. Hope you are well.

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    1. That sounds like a good way to go. Alas, no kids here, but that hopefully means that the bad stuff dies with me. Someday.

      Good days and bad days.

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