Okey-dokey. Here
we go.
I can see it
now. From this vantage point of mine which is horizontal it is seen. Human
beings were never intended to infringe upon the realm of the gods. This is law,
a truism borne out time and time again and so obvious it’s a wonder some have
yet to learn. It was never intended that we create life out of nothing but some
bits of twig and hair and a tumblerful of rum just like it was never intended that
we disregard and disrespect our god-given addictions. To do so is hubris, like stealing
fire or like building a big beautiful wall of 2,000 miles - Ah, I’m being melodramatic.
I apologize.
The pain is constant.
In my back, my hips, my knees and legs. Sleep, for me, is no more, and there are
phantom fevers. I shuffle along with the aid of a cane. The doctors are
useless, don’t seem to believe me. Three weeks now and this is my life.
The experiment is
a failure.
You wanted
change, eh, Harry?
I will write
more when able. I have reached my limits. The gods have spoken.
Oh dear. Are you sure a trickster god isn't just trying to fuck you over? They enjoy doing that, you know.
ReplyDeleteProbably. There's also a bit I might have brought upon myself, but I'll write about that soon.
DeleteThe experiment can't be a failure, it can only yield up results that you don't particularly care for. They tend to do that a lot in my experience.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling much better very soon.
-Doug in Oakland
Going to try a different doctor this week. There's got to be a way to get a diagnosis.
DeleteGet a good doctor. It really makes a difference. My mom got a bad doctor for her debilitating migraines, and he botched a fusion surgery in her neck and almost killed her. She had it redone by a surgeon in San Francisco and she almost completely recovered, but the migraines didn't go away because they were being caused by a brain tumor that was by then inoperable. If she'd gotten a correct diagnosis the first time she might have lived a lot longer.
Delete-Doug in Oakland
Fortunately, I live a few blocks away from what is regarded as a world-class medical center. I always warn my parents, who live out in the middle of nowhere, that if they ever have a choice, stay the hell away from those hospitals out there. I've heard a lot of horror stories over the years, especially representing disabled clients like I do.
DeleteYeah, I'm lucky in that way also. When I had my stroke, they took me to Summit Hospital, less than half a mile away. Summit has an award-winning stroke program, and that's the care I got.
DeleteNow I get all of my healthcare at Highland Hospital, which is a county hospital and a teaching hospital, and if you can figure out the program and avoid the long waits, the care is world-class.
It sounds like it largely worked out for you in a really amazing way, based on what I've heard over the years. Considering how random strokes can be, that's as much as we can ask for. I'm glad you're around and can share your stories!
DeleteDon't give up now. You're stronger than that. This misery shall pass.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to keep going to doctors. I can't live like this, but there's hopefully no reason I have to.
DeleteAnd by the way, I doubt the quitting actually caused my symptoms. As I hope to say in a future post, I suspect that the workout and running regimens I kicked in with after I quit everything are to blame.
You'll get through this. Why do I always get this feeling that you are looking for something you haven't yet found?
ReplyDeleteI've never appreciated what I've accomplished or what I have as much as I should. At a certain point, I need to. before it's too late.
DeleteHow dare withdrawal symptoms spoil addictions! They should be punished with withdrawal symptoms of their own.
ReplyDeleteWhat was your now-deleted "test" post about?
I was using a "Dynamic Views" theme on blogger. Because Dynamic Views was tied into Google+, it's apparently not supported any ore and I was having trouble with it. Changing my theme back solved the problem.
DeleteFrankly I hated the Dynamic Views thing.
DeleteNot that Blogger has a future. After Google killed Google Plus, and with blogging fast dying out, I am expecting Google to kill it off. I'm looking for alternative blogging sites to use as backup.
I've been concerned about that, too. You and I have both lived through the death of more than one blogging platform and should know the signs by now. The problem with wordpress is that it seems to cost if you want no ads and a decent platform. Still, I get so much use out of my blogging, normally, that it would probably be worth it.
DeleteThat Loki is a bit of a twat, don't give up. My missus suffers badly with chronic pain, it's a daily battle.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to get to the bottom of it. I have another doctor's appointment with a new doctor on Thursday. Someone's got to figure this out.
DeleteOh the pain.
ReplyDeleteI used to sort of roll my eyes when people always complained about it, but I'll be damned if it doesn't change one's life!
DeletePain is nasty motivator. I can't believe those ridiculous doctors are not taking the pain seriously, or disbelieving it. The brain is a powerful thing... and when a powerful loses somethings it loves, it fights back.
ReplyDeleteI am going to a different doctor tomorrow.
DeleteI suspect that whatever the problem is, I did it and not the lack of bad habits.
We shall see.
Sounds awful . I hate being sick and luckily I'm not sick very often (at least I don't think so). I find my brain going into strange places when I'm really sick. So if your brain is part of the problem I suspect the feedback loop is terrible.
ReplyDeleteI don't make a good sick person. However, it now looks like the problem has been narrowed down to either a pinched nerve or a ruptured disc.
DeleteHarry, I know I'm late coming around, sorry. When I saw that you were leaving blog lang and I couldn't comment, I thought SHIT!!! Where did Harry go! Glad you are still here! Please don't quit! Take care of yourself and keep going! Pain is not fun, I truly understand!! Know we are here for you Harry!! Have you tried ice? Ice works wonders!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Stacy. I'm hoping the worst is over, both with my health issues and with the blogging thing. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook.
Delete