Part 4: Stonie's bottle

I was unfamiliar with the term “head” as used in the diary, that is, to mean “oral sex performed upon a woman.” Whether this was owing to my own lack of worldliness or to it being a neologism of Jamie’s generation or to Jamie having misused the term entirely, I don’t know.

I have never seen it used in this sense outside the diary entry, written fourteen years ago now.

Yes, I read her diary, a blue hardbacked book with off-white pages.

And yes, I know that was wrong, probably.

The diary entry in question said this (or else something very much like this): “I got head from Stonie and I screamed so loud I can’t believe the neighbors didn’t call the cops.”

This was read by me – and understood, too, despite the unfamiliar use of the crucial term – without the gut punch, that familiar blow to the groin and the belly I usually felt upon learning of a betrayal**. Maybe I’m admitting too much here…

I wasn’t upset.

Then, two days later, I arrived at Jamie’s apartment and there she was, sitting with Stonie out on the balcony. The two of them, drinking beers, and they were talking of the films of Andrei Tarkovsky.

I wasn’t upset then, either. I joined them and their beers.

And Stonie? O, he was young and mostly tattoos and piercings and he had those gauge things in his ears. You know, where it looked as though tiny people could use his earlobes for swings? Despite the screaming in the diary, I did not feel threatened.

The boy was fine. Polite, yes. Asked about my job and my musical tastes. All of that. When he left for home, Jamie and I stayed sitting there, drinking beers and watching children who played by the pool, but not speaking.

I picked up a beer and sucked at it.

Jamie broke the silence and said, “Oh!” She said, “That was the beer Stonie was drinking.”

Still I watched the children.

I said, “What? Are you worried I’m going to catch something nasty off of Stonie’s bottle?”


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**“Betrayal” is too strong a word and not the right word but I am leaving it in anyway. For color.  

Part 1 is HERE.
Part 2 is HERE.
Part 3 is HERE.

Comments

  1. Replies
    1. Seems a little passive aggressive, reading it now. If I keep writing about myself, I just might begin to see why my girlfriends have all left!

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  2. I've never quite understood the appeal of gauges. I bet the conversation about musical tastes was interesting.

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    1. Because of my job, I have to look average to the suit and tie crowd. But I've known some great people who pierced themselves all up, and... hey, however people want to present themselves cosmetically is fine by me. Myself, I don't even have a tattoo.

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  3. I believe a former US president suggested that oral sex was not adultery.

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    1. Well, I think it depends on what the definition of "is" is...

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  4. I think "well played" applies here. Cold and hard calculator, you are. You sure you weren't upset? (;

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    1. I don't remember being upset. I am sure that the Big Ugly Male Ego thing was playing somewhere in the back of my head, though. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have felt the need to needle her with that last line...

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  5. That was a most uncharacteristically snappy response for you. You have hidden depths of snark.

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    1. Yeah, I'm afraid it might turn out that my characters were way more likable than I am.

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  6. As a sometimes-passive-aggressive-asshole, I do love a good zinger. Now then, I'm curious to see if she actually picked up on that? There's nothing worse than nailing a zinger, only for someone to completely miss what you were really getting at.

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    1. She picked up on it, but I didn't know for sure or follow up on it for several years.

      Granted, communication was not our strong suit.

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  7. "Head" has been a term for oral sex performed on both sexes for as long as I can remember, and I am 56 years old. It's in a Leonard Cohen song (I don't remember which one, only that the nurse who played it for me told me it was about Janis Joplin) so it seems like it's been around for a while. And there's always the reference to it in "Walk On The Wild Side"...

    -Doug in Oakland

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    1. If it was good enough for second generation beatnik songwriters, then I am on board. Although I never did understand what happened to Leonard Cohen after the Seventies. Who gave him that damn Casio keyboard and took away his guitar?

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  8. Yeah, Betrayal is quite the word. It says volumes about what you want the relationship to be without actually saying what it really is.

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    1. Your last sentence there captures a good number of the issues that doomed the relationship, actually.

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    2. I've known a lot of hippies and other counter culture types who had serious problems with this. When you live outside mainstream culture, relationships lose their definition. It can lead to a lot of confusion.

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    3. I'll bet.

      I knew a woman who lived in a free love commune for a while. The things that doomed her living situation were pretty much the things that my conservative grandmother would have predicted. Possessiveness runs pretty deep as a human trait.

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  9. Yeah, I've never heard of "head" being used to mean performing oral sex on a woman, only on a man. Maybe straight girls use the term that way, I don't know. But lesbians sure as hell don't. Ask Katy.

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    1. "Ask Katy."

      And this is my Favorite Comment of the Week.

      I've lived in Houston's designated gay neighborhood for almost 20 years now. Maybe that's why I don't know anything about hetero terms for sex acts.

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  10. I don't blame you for being upset, even though you say you weren't! I think Betrayal is a perfect word for what you felt!
    I have to agree with what Debra said. Being straight, we use the term "head", for a girl giving oral sex to a guy, not on a girl??

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    1. Exactly. I try to be cool about that sort of thing because people are human, but emotions get complicated!

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  11. Always thought the term "Head" went for all gender combinations of oral sex. One thing I did learn the hard way about oral sex was to lock your girlfriend's door when rendering such a service. My future father-in-law walked in and found his daughter's legs wrapped around my head.

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    1. And yet you survived to tell the tale!

      I was fortunate in that my girlfriends tended to have absent fathers, as well as rather laissez faire mothers. Actually, the absent fathers led to other long-term issues, but there were short-term advantages.

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  12. I thought the term implied oral sex performed on a man. So, I guess, you and I learned something new from the diary.

    On the cheating... That's tough. I applaud such calm attitude towards the betrayal. I doubt I would be half so sensible.

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    1. We lasted 9 more years after this. I try to take a very French attitude towards these things although I'm not at all sure it has served me well.

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  13. Lol i am usually liberal and a man advocating freedom but in sexual matters alone i m quite a jealous bitch ha ha as i have no such experience i guess.Hmm stonie is interesting.I wonder how hamid did not feel jealous.Its the path i would like to tread,calm and care free.This is a right prelude to the incoming murder.I would wait until the end of this series.

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    1. Well, I mean, it's fine if there is an understanding between two people that the relationship is not exclusive. Otherwise, it can be a source of tension. And even when there is an understanding, it can be a source of tension.

      I do as well as what I can. I don't own anyone.

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  14. Interesting setting in this excerpt. Like a lull before a storm.


    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Yeah, you think your day is going one way and then it takes a hard left turn.

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