Two thousand eight was the year of Jamie and of Adri blogs. It was a time when Jamie was still my girlfriend. It was a time when there were still Adri blogs.
These things were important things, you understand, to me.
Many others enjoyed my Adri blogs but Jamie enjoyed them most of all, I believe, until finally, I found myself writing them just for her.
Jamie said she could not imagine me as having written Adri’s words. That she could not so much as read them in my voice. That when she did read them, she heard them in the voice of a woman, and of a woman who was confident, spontaneous, a little damaged, and nothing at all like me.
And this, it must be said, created a state of being – or a state of affairs, I suppose, is the correct term – in which Jamie related to me differently than she related to Adri. Adri, who, it cannot be overemphasized, did not even exist, really. Remember this.
A time came for Jamie to reach the decision regarding her father. Poor crazy Matt. We talked about it. We talked for hours and hours and on this same couch on which I sit right now. I offered her my ear, my thoughts, my advice, and I believed she had heard me.
But soon afterwards, Adri received a late-night email from Jamie in which she requested advice on what I had until then believed to be the settled matter of her father. I responded as Adri would have responded, in Adri’s voice, using Adri’s logic, and writing in that confident, spontaneous and slightly damaged way that was nothing at all like me.
She went with Adri’s advice over my own.
The puppet was more trusted than the puppeteer!
Now this, surely, should have been an enormous red flag for me, with flashing warning lights and alarms, whistles, and oh, I don’t know, old Greek oracles whispering, “Too far!”, but either I did not hear them or else it was already too late.
Or perhaps Adri really was wiser than me.
Jamie is gone now, of course, and Adri’s blogs are gone, and I’ll never talk to Jamie again. Adri, on the other hand, could come back. Theoretically, I mean. Just for a visit.
Here, on this page.
I do wonder sometimes what Adri’s been up to and what she’d have to say.